Healing the Mother Wound

Healing from the mother wound requires confronting one of our deepest and most painful traumas. In this raw and vulnerable episode, Tabitha shares her personal journey through narcissistic family systems and how this wounding creates patterns that persistently sabotage our relationships, health, finances, and sense of self-worth.

The mother wound isn't just personal—it's a societal pandemic creating generations of insecure attachment. When unhealed, this wound bleeds through family systems, tearing apart relationships and perpetuating cycles of pain. Most troublingly, even after removing toxic relationships from our lives, we often continue the pattern through self-gaslighting and unconscious sabotage.

Traditional therapy frequently fails to address these wounds because our protective mechanisms become so sophisticated. Tabitha explains why intuitive approaches that bypass the ego's defenses can create faster, more profound healing. By connecting with our higher self—the part of us untouched by human wounding—we can see past the pain and create an entirely new blueprint for our lives.

This episode introduces a revolutionary five-step process for healing: defining what you truly want, honestly assessing your current reality, applying specific healing modalities, aligning with your soul's guidance, and taking inspired action. Tabitha describes this journey as leaving a prison of narcissism and codependency—initially disorienting but ultimately freeing.

As Mother's Day approaches, this conversation offers understanding and hope for anyone struggling with maternal relationships. Whether you're healing for yourself or breaking the cycle for future generations, this episode provides practical guidance for transforming your deepest wounds into your greatest source of wisdom and strength.

Join Tabitha's free workshop on healing the mother wound on May 11th at 8pm Pacific, where she'll introduce Superconscious Recode and guide y

Are you ready to feel supported on your healing journey?  The Soma Flow Library of Healing is now available.  With a powerful meditations, hypnosis sessions and Superconscious Recodes to restructure your unconscious patterns, this is a must have tool to your journey back to you.  

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Chapters

• 1:05 Introduction to the Mother Wound
• 8:48 Discovering Narcissistic Family Patterns
• 16:00 Self-Gaslighting and Breaking Free
• 23:11 Creating a New Blueprint
• 29:39 The Five-Step Healing Process
• 35:25 Finding Support and Moving Forward

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:33

Hello and welcome. My name is Tabitha and I am an intuitive coach, a body worker and a mom, and today I want to talk about the mother wound, want to, or feel compelled to, let's see, probably more compelled to. This is a conversation that I think needs to be happening more, conversation that I think needs to be happening more, but it's also a really difficult one for me to talk about, probably because the wound is is pretty deep for me and also painful. It is a painful wound. Um, I'll tell you a little bit about the mother wound from my perspective and why I think it needs to be talked to more in our society, and openly, so that people can bring the shadows out into the light and to heal them, because our world has a mother wound that is, I think, really deep and pervasive in our society in general. I often tell my clients, especially my coaching clients in recovery, that I think one of the most dangerous things on our planet is a wounded woman, and that is because her wound will bleed through the family system and destroy family units way more impactfully than anything else. And that is because that unhealed wound doesn't understand secure love and it creates a perpetual cycle of anxious, avoidant attachment styles, which creates this deep wounding in our society and it it tears families apart. It tears them apart, and I'm I just want to know, you to know, as I'm starting to talk about this, that nothing I'm saying is intended to shame, diagnose or to belittle anyone's life experience. I think that, as someone who really worked through the wounds that I had and then, you know, unconsciously even created for my own children, that radical self-accountability on this topic is where we kind of need to go with it. There doesn't need to be any shame. This is like generations of humans who were not taught how to love one another. This is a true pandemic in our society and it's hurting us, it's making us sick, it's making us live with way more pain than we need to be living with and it's holding us back from stepping into authenticity love connection like real connection, not false connection, but genuine, unconditional love and connection. And it's sad, it makes me sad when I think about it. I feel sad for my own inner child wound and I don't even really like saying that, but the truth is there is an inner child wound that needed to be healed for myself. So I'm going to just backtrack a second and tell you a little bit about my story. I know I've covered it in my podcast, but today I want to just speak from my heart and not worry about anything other than helping you know that there's a path and a way forward. That may not be conventional, but it might be the path for you.

Speaker 1: 4:34

I was. It was back in 2020, a client of mine was talking to me about triangulation patterns and I had never heard about it before. I know I had done an episode before on triangulation, but basically it's the victim, hero, villain cycle and I thought to myself like I had never even heard of that before. Why have I not heard about it and I don't even know what it is? And I immediately, because back then I was big into learning about just human dynamics and relationships, and I still am, but I was like starving for knowledge because there was something not right in my life and I couldn't put my finger on it. It was just like I could never maintain my health goals, I could never maintain my financial goals, I could never find relationships that were deeply satisfying, supportive and like nurturing and you know where I felt safe and there was just like one thing would go right in my life and then something else would fall and I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. Like I was on this deep, deep quest to discover why I was so broken.

Speaker 1: 5:56

And I read books like the upper limit syndrome and it was like, oh, you're just hitting your ceiling. And I was like, yeah, but why? Why do I? Why can't I get past that ceiling? Why is it that I can't have life be better? And you know, I have years and years of journals of pain, but I wasn't registering it as pain, I was just more like no, these are just people that are, you know, inconveniencing me. So back to the story. So when I first sorry, this is hard for me to talk about, so I can feel my mind getting distracted because it's like, no, don't tell the painful story, it's not safe. I had to contend with that this morning, but I feel like it's time to talk about it more openly.

Speaker 1: 6:57

So my client came in. He talked to me about triangulation and I started studying about it and I realized that I felt like the villain in my family of origin all of the time. And I didn't realize that's what I was feeling, because I always thought the villain would be like the narcissistic person, because I always thought the villain would be like the narcissistic person. No, it's usually the villain who is being catapulted into that position by someone who needs to be seen as a hero or someone who needs to be seen as a victim. And everyone needs a villain, right. So, to be the hero, you can't be one without the villain. Hero, you can't be one without the villain. And I had so much shame that it was like just this suit of shame in my body that I didn't really understand at the time where it came from or how it was created.

Speaker 1: 7:51

But once I started studying the dynamics of narcissism and the codependent relationship, studying the dynamics of narcissism and the codependent relationship, I realized that I'd lived in that prison my whole life and there was a few books that really helped me. The first was the Human Magnet Syndrome. That one helped me understand both parties in that dynamic and how they're attracted to one another. Another one is it was the Passive, aggressive Narcissist, and I remember that book completely shattered my reality because as I was reading it now, I had owned this book for three years before I read it. I tried to read it three years before but something stopped me. I'm pretty sure it was the part of my ego that didn't want me to see the truth. And that will happen on your journey, especially if you're really seeking truth, because there are parts and aspects of you that do not want to heal, and for good reason. I mean, it's not a fun journey all of the time. It's hard and it's heartbreaking, and there's a lot of heartbreaking and there's a lot of pain and there's a lot of loneliness that needs to be released from your body. And so the passive, aggressive narcissist.

Speaker 1: 9:07

I remember when I read that and I was like, wow, this just explained my whole life. And I don't know if you've ever had that experience where you had like a book or you saw a post or you know a YouTube video and you were like, oh my God, that literally explains my whole life. That was that book for me. And I remember I read it and I called my father and him and my mom had been divorced for 40 something years, like they weren't together, and I said was my mother, is my mother a narcissist? And his reply was immediately like, oh, you know, your mom had a hard life and she had a lot of trauma. And I said, yeah, but that doesn't. That doesn't negate the fact that is she a narcissist. And I think at that moment I realized what I was really dealing with and it's like the moment you see the truth of something. You can't unsee it. And I really started looking into narcissistic abuse and what that looks like in your life as a grownup. And now I knew I was always dating people who were either addicts or had strong narcissistic tendencies.

Speaker 1: 10:30

I don't really like diagnosing people as narcissistic. I'll just say like the behaviors of narcissism, so we can remove the need to diagnose people, because I think that a lot of the time we get stuck on the diagnosis instead of just saying these behaviors create this reaction in a relationship. Gaslighting to me is looking back, one of the greatest things that not greatest, I mean had the biggest impact on my ability to trust myself. And as I've been going down the path of waking up to my intuition and, you know, listening to my higher self and my spirit guides and you know those types of things that have been coming into my life, the gaslighting has made me trust myself the least and I would say that that was the hardest thing for me to heal from, because once the gaslighter's out of your life. If you were raised in narcissistic family systems, chances are you gaslight yourself a lot, especially when they're gone, because that communication style, that level of control and manipulation, is part of the structure of love and that unconscious structure of love is what governs a lot of your patterns of behavior and that I think is so sad and miserable to recover from.

Speaker 1: 12:16

Because I used to love my mind and I remember the other day I actually had written in my journal when I was doing an automatic writing journal, when I was doing it in automatic writing, it's part of an intuition training was don't trust your mind. Today and later that same day I was having these thoughts that, like certain people, couldn't be trusted in my life and that I was alone and that everyone was out to get me. And this is not a pattern that I get into very often, um, especially since I've done a lot of the healing work around this wound. Um, but that particular day I definitely I could feel the old rumination patterns coming into my mind and I remember I always seem to pick up my automatic writing right when I need to read it and I was about to like text somebody how horrible they were and that I didn't want them in my life anymore. And then I read, don't trust your mind today.

Speaker 1: 13:16

And I had to take a deep breath and go oh, what is my, what is my like ego doing right now? And I was like, oh, it's villainizing people that you might care about. And that is scary to me because I think when you can't see it, it's like something takes over, like it puts on a different pair of glasses and you can't see outside of it. You don't even know you're in it because it's so real. And when I picked up my book and I read that and I just started breathing into my heart and I started connecting back in with my higher self, and one of the tools that I do a lot is I'll say higher self, just come in and take over. And because the higher self doesn't have the wound of narcissism, it's not there, it's not in your soul. This is a human wound, this is not a soul wound. This is, I mean. It doesn't mean that your soul can't carry it from lifetime to lifetime. However, this is a human condition of the ego. This is not like on that soul level. So I breathe into my higher self and I'll just say higher self, come in, I give you permission, like just take over for a minute and breathe into my heart and when I do that, something shifts and it's almost like that filter of pain and separation and terror melts. And then I'm just reminded that we're all human beings having a human experience, and some signed up for the pain and torture series and the you know, and so we're healing from that. So that is one of the best ways to just kind of get onto your wound and your ego.

Speaker 1: 15:03

And the reason I'm talking about this today specifically is that Mother's Day is coming up on Sunday and I feel like a lot of people and I'm not going to say just women, but people have a mother wound and Mother's Day can be really challenging for those of us who have a deep wound from the feminine and it can make us not trust women. It can make us have a lot of and if you're a woman and you don't trust women, that creates a problem, because then you don't really don't trust yourself In the male-female dynamic of a relationship. That unhealed feminine wound can create massive conflict and lack of trust and respect in a relationship. I see this often with my clients, especially my coaching clients who want to have children, but they're so terrified of them inflicting the same wound on their own children. And you know they're also afraid of of, like, their wound coming up, because it does. I mean, our kids bring our wounds up Like that's what they're there for. They're little wound irrupors, um, and they're all healers too, you know, like they help us heal those wounds. But, um, so just to backtrack and stay focused on the mother wound, um, if you have a wound that feels like it's just like you can't even address it because there's so much salt in the wound, I want you to know that there are ways to heal it faster than you've been told Now.

Speaker 1: 16:54

I tried therapy. It did not work for me because my structure of my conscious mind to protect my pain was so good, it was so great that I would give the therapist a fabulous story and then they would never be able to get deeper than that, because I could not get deeper than that. So I had all of these behaviors. I couldn't shift and I would outsmart and I don't mean that like in a positive way any kind of like professional who tried to help me.

Speaker 1: 17:32

That is literally why I'm the biggest advocate for intuitive coaching, because us, and like those of us who are trained responsibly with intuition can see right past your firewall and there's like like, for instance, I can see the pattern clearly that's running across all of the different areas of your life and it's like this how I like to explain it to people is let's say, you want to lose weight or make more money or find a love match. Those are the three biggies, right In any in in in the world. Those are the three things people want the most. And purpose. And let's say like oh, things are going great in your health journey and you're losing weight, but then, like the your, you don't feel like your relationship is is going to hold up with this transition, right, or maybe you stop making as much money.

Speaker 1: 18:29

The sabotage pattern needs to exist in your consciousness in order to keep proving the truth of your family of origin, the lies that you were told, the contracts that you made with your parents and I have other podcast episodes on that. So, and I'm not going to go deep into that but basically, if you're unconscious, if your identity says I'm not worthy of love, when you start loving yourself, you'll find some place of your house to move that baggage, some place of your house to move that baggage. So you might take that into your relationship, you might put it into your career, you might put it into your purpose, you might put it into your community. That box of junk, which is what those old beliefs are, has to live in this house, has to live in this house. And that's why, like when you go after the relationship wound or the body wound or the you know money wound, whatever it is that you want to create, and you're only looking at that, some other area of your life might fall if you're not looking at the entire structure of your reality. And that is what what I would do would be like okay, I'm going to take this codependent, um, wounded, you know identity structure and I'm going to move it from my health over here to my relationship.

Speaker 1: 20:01

So, as I started getting healthy, it always seemed like my partner would have something against me, or I would move it over to my career, like something would start failing over there, or even like, oh, my kids are taking this from me and I can't get this done. And it always had to exist. And so when I started studying with Chris Duncan and William Whitecloud's work and Colette Stryker and these people who were addressing trauma in an entirely different way. I realized that the reason I hadn't been able to shift things like my weight and my finances and my relationships was because my unconscious programming was so anchored in narcissistic abuse that anytime I tried to go for something, even though there were no more narcissists left in my life, I would create my own narcissistic structure where I was becoming my own narcissist and that's like the inner critic and the self-doubt and the self-gaslighting and manipulation.

Speaker 1: 21:01

And so when we look at, like what William Whitecloud teaches, it's all about structural alignment like you need to create the blueprint for the new house that you want to live in and that new house is going to have the type of furniture that you want, the people you want, the experiences you want. And as you focus on that kind kind of the old blueprint, the old structure is just going to collapse. And then Colette Stryker took I think his name was Fritz Gary Flint's work on superconscious and she integrated that into her healing modalities and that was where we could use this higher self to come in and help just blow up the boxes and be like, okay, they don't need to be there anymore, let's just get rid of the boxes. And, chris. What he did was he took the two of them and brought them together and said actually, what we need to do is we need to create the new structure and we need to blow up the boxes. And that's a lot of how I work and how I teach in my coaching programs is let's create a life that's so beautiful and meaningful to you that this structure of narcissistic abuse doesn't exist there. So we're not going to be taking the boxes, we're not moving them from room to room. We're basically burning it down and creating an entirely new structure. Now, there's a lot of things from the old house we're going to keep right. We might really like them. So when I say burning it down, I don't mean like literally, but we're going to be taking a lot of the parts and aspects of us with us, because that's who we are.

Speaker 1: 22:41

Yeah, it is an interesting journey to go on and I would say it feels a lot like if I had to explain it to someone who didn't understand what it feels like being in prison, like your whole life, and then one day being given the key to your freedom and you're kind of like kicked out into the world and you don't really know how to be free. That's a lot of what it feels like coming out of the prison of narcissism and codependency, and a lot of the time it can be painful and it can be really lonely Because your entire world is going to shift and change and narcissists are not going to want to be around you anymore. They just don't like you anymore and congratulations. It's lovely. But also when most of your world was narcissism and codependency and then you leave that world, you're like, oh no, like what do I do now? And then you kind of meet the secure attachment people who don't understand that world at all and you feel weird, like, oh well, I don't know how to fit in with you either. You guys don't even understand the planet I just came from, and so it leaves you kind of in this limbo place of where do I belong and where do I fit in? Because I don't want to be in the world of codependency and narcissism anymore. And you know, that's what I'm familiar with.

Speaker 1: 24:20

I also don't understand these people living over here in Secureville. Like they're weird, like they never oh they didn't have to worry about you know any of the things that I grew up worrying about, and so I would say there's got to be a space in between. And that, I would say, is kind of the essence of Soma Rising, which is my membership, is for the people who are on that journey of releasing the, the like prison state of narcissism and codependency and don't really understand how to live in Secureville yet, and they're, they're navigating the waters. And it's funny because I don't really talk about my intuition training or my membership a lot, but that was why I created. It was because I wanted to give people a space for the in between, like, okay, like you don't yet know how to live in Secureville, but you don't want to go back over there. So this is the place where you can heal and recover. And this is also a place where you can learn how to live in alignment with your higher self, how to awaken your own intuitive genius and gifts in a very safe, very like respectful way, and also to explore yourself, your identity, who you are and who you're becoming, in a way that feels very supportive and loving, like to me. If you can't hear how many times I've said supportive, that's because that feeling supported on the journey is probably the most important thing that you'll need, and to have people validate that you're not crazy, like this is part of the process of coming out of the prison state and you know, if you are in it like a family dynamic where there's a lot of narcissism and codependency and you're trying to get out of it, it can be very difficult because you don't realize how much of your life is constructed around those rules of belonging. I would say, if you're resonating with this at all, I'm going to do a free workshop on Sunday, may 11th, at 10 am Pacific time so this is 2025, if you're listening to this at a later date on healing the mother wound, and I'm going to introduce you to the Superconscious Recode, which, if you've listened to my podcast, you can probably tell that there's a couple of recodes in here, so you might have already experienced it.

Speaker 1: 27:01

But we're also going to do the five-step process. I'm going to walk you through the five-step process to start creating really healthy relationships in your life, and just really quickly. What that looks like is first, you have to define what you want to experience. So we're going to paint the new house right, like we're going to create the vision of the new house, and that is going to look like you know there's four basic rooms. That, or five basic rooms that I work with with all my clients. It's a first. You want healthy, loving relationships. You want a life that you love. You want to live your true nature and purpose, health and vitality, and to be an empowered creator, meaning that you're the one who is creating your reality, not reacting to other people's storylines. You know we don't want to. We want to be the person who's in charge of our lives and then so we create like kind of a new structure for you, a new blueprint for your life.

Speaker 1: 28:02

And lately I've been working with Divine Feminine, which has been so much fun. I like once I started connecting with the divine feminine and teaching it through that lens of healing, through journeying and recode and hypnotherapy, and just basically taking everything that I learned over the last, you know, 20 years in the wellness industry and putting it into a shortened version to help people heal as fast as possible. I've just been having fun with it, like I've been enjoying creating these really cool meditation journeys to help you connect in with different deities and guides, and it's just more of a magical way of healing and I believe that we heal faster in community. We heal through storytelling, we heal through creating a life that is so compelling to us that nothing will derail us from moving into it, and that is really the essence of what I do. So step one we're going to create that.

Speaker 1: 29:05

Step two we do need to take an honest look at where we're at now. Step two we do need to take an honest look at where we're at now. Now, the reason we do step one first, creating the vision, is because there might be a lot of stuff wrong in your current reality. We only want the stuff that's blocking you from that vision. We don't need it all, we just need that piece of it. Otherwise it can be way too overwhelming. It's like walking into a house that's had a hoarder inhabiting it for the last 45 years and going oh my God, where do we even start? So that's why we need the vision first.

Speaker 1: 29:38

We're going to come, look at the current reality and go okay, what are, what is your life like now? In comparison to that? You want to understand the tension between the two. So how many boxes are in your basement, basically? And once you kind of understand the two tension points, then we're going to move into the processes. So that's where super conscious recode, hypnotherapy, you know, looking at habit changes. Things like that are going to come in and help us remove the baggage that doesn't allow us to have a thing that we want.

Speaker 1: 30:12

And then step four is we're really going to be aligning with our higher self and our soul and listening to our intuitive guidance, because your soul already knows how to get you there. Your higher self, your super conscious, knows how to get you there. Now, super conscious and soul are not the same thing, but I'll talk about that more in a different episode. There's already an instruction manual, except your ego doesn't understand it because it probably has like unconditional love, surrender oh my God vulnerability. All of the things that you don't understand yet are in the new instruction manual, and so there needs to be some patience for yourself as you learn how to read this new foreign language.

Speaker 1: 31:05

But the language of intuition is really in the lack of control. It is in the space between, where you do not have any kind of buy-in on the way it needs to be done. So most of us go out to do something and we think it needs to be done this way. So most of us go out to do something and we think it needs to be done this way. Intuition will come and say no, actually, if this is the thing that you want, this is the way to do it, and most of the time it doesn't make any logical sense, which probably means it's the right solution. So, and then the fifth step is you know you're taking that inspired action, you're reassessing Is this working, is this not working? If it's not, we go back and we figure out okay, what's in the way of it.

Speaker 1: 31:54

So why does this matter for the mother wound? Because that wound is like a virus in your unconscious programming. It is the mold in the walls, it is the cracked foundation for how you perceive yourself, the world and others. It is what built most of your beliefs, your biology, your just entire structure of reality. Because that was the first person who had a physical influence on you, because you grew in their stomach, in their womb. And one of the processes we use with superconscious work is we go and we heal the wound, the inner wound where you picked it up in your biology, in your physiology. Because that I mean, I remember there was a strange month where I remember we just did a lot of work and I was like man, how much junk did I pick up in that woman's wound, um, and it was a lot. It was a lot. We have a long history of, uh, wounded women in my family. So, um, I'm hopefully breaking that cycle for my kids, my kids and doing the best I can to help other people break the cycle and their own families.

Speaker 1: 33:16

And I just want to say that there's nothing to be ashamed of here. Like, it's just what it is. We can let go of the controversy and the shame and the blame and the charged energy around it. Let's just get to healing already. Like, let's just it's time to move on and and that is, we just need to create healthy relationships. And it might take a little time for you to understand what that looks like for you. That's okay. Like it's okay Because, depending on how deep your wound is or how much of your life is not going the way that you would like it to go, it is going to help you restructure.

Speaker 1: 34:02

That. It doesn't take 30 years in therapy. It doesn't take all of these like outrageous ayahuasca journeys. It doesn't take that. It takes an open heart and your willingness to move forward and let it go. And I would like to say that that was easy, but that was part of the probably the hardest part was just letting it go and deciding that it was time to move into a new era where I'm allowed to have safe, healthy, loving relationships, to be seen, to be heard, to think that my life matters and that the gifts that I have to share with people matter, and that it's time to stop hiding and be present in the world in a way that helps other people on their journey.

Speaker 1: 35:05

So, wherever you're at in your journey, I hope you come to the healing on Sunday and if you're listening to this and you don't need it, congratulations. I'm really happy for you. But if you are listening to this and you do need it, come along. I also have a free Aphrodite meditation. I'm going to put the link in the show notes. In the show notes.

Speaker 1: 35:33

It is such a fun meditation that I co-created with the goddess Aphrodite to help you heal your love wound, and I listened to it every day last month and I will say it brought a lot of my baggage up. But I also left a lot of that wound in April, which feels really good to say out loud and actually mean it. So if that sounds like something you're interested in, I'm going to put the link down below, enjoy it. It is a fun co-creative experience with Aphrodite and I look forward to hearing from you and if you have any insights about your own journey on recovering love and your definitions of love. So thank you so much for taking the time to listen today and I just want you to know that I appreciate you and I appreciate the support that I get around this podcast, because most of the time I I feel like I don't want to do it and my higher self is always like, please do it.

Speaker 1: 36:30

And I'm always like, but no, I don't want to. Nobody hears what I have to say and then somebody randomly will call me or text me and be like I was listening to your podcast and I was like, oh, you're the person. Oh, that's nice. When I don't worry about like it being a sales tool or strategy or things like that, my podcast feels fun and flowy and that's what I've decided. I'm going to keep it as is just a way to inspire people to make changes and heal their lives so that they can live in a fully empowered state, and that is my mission is to help people heal and live an empowered life. So have a wonderful day and, if you are a mother. Happy Mother's Day. It is a hard job and somebody's got to do it, and wherever you're at with it, you're doing a good job. Have a good day.