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Mapping the Depths of Healing: A Story of Overcoming Betrayal with Linda Bayer

• Tabitha MacDonald • Episode 29

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When the ground beneath you crumbles from the shock of infidelity, where do you find solid footing? Linda Baer, in a candid conversation, shares her personal odyssey of heartbreak, healing, and becoming a lighthouse for others adrift in the aftermath of betrayal. Her story unravels the visceral freeze mode trauma can induce and the crucial need for processing pain to emerge scar-free. As we chart Linda's transformative journey, we learn that in confronting our darkest fears, we often discover our brightest strengths.

You can find Linda at https://www.lindabayer.com/

Are you ready to feel supported on your healing journey?  The Soma Flow Library of Healing is now available.  With a powerful meditations, hypnosis sessions and Superconscious Recodes to restructure your unconscious patterns, this is a must have tool to your journey back to you.  

About Tabitha
Tabitha MacDonald is an Intuitive Coach and Healer committed to helping people overcome their pain as fast as possible so that they can have the love, success, freedom and fulfillment they truly desire.

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Speaker 1:

I am so excited to have the lovely Linda Baer on my call today as a special guest. Linda helps people overcome the pain and heartbreak of infidelity. She is an author, a coach, a very powerful, intuitive mother and an activist. After 13 years of looking outside of herself for happiness, they intervened, guiding Linda towards mentors who introduced her to the transformative power of creative structure. Under the guidance of Christopher Duncan and Hannah Nye's at Conscious Education Company, she gained invaluable insights into the distinct differences between the problem-solving structure and creative structure. This understanding became a beacon of hope, guiding her towards healing. The combination of the super-conscious recode with the creative structure proved to be a compassionate and effective pathway for her to release the emotional blocks preventing her from living a life she loves, and now she helps other people do the same.

Speaker 1:

Linda has trained with some of the most sought-after leaders in the field of intuition and energy healing, including Wendy DeRosa, Eckhart Tolle, Jedha Mali, Suzanne Skirlock, Joe Vitale, and she also earned a degree in speech and communication with interior design. Recently, Linda has completed her certified equine-assisted leadership facilitator from Cartier Farms and Dreamwinds. After decades of seeking self-improvement, she discovered the profound impact of structure. Now specializing in guiding those who have endured the heartbreak of infidelity. She offers a compassionate approach to teach individuals how to embrace the creative structure. It's a journey towards living life to the fullest, recognizing that you are not broken and you're simply navigating within the confines of the wrong structure. Welcome, Linda, and thank you so much for being my guest today. I'm so happy to have you here.

Speaker 2:

So for having me. I'm so happy to be here.

Speaker 1:

To give you a little background, linda and I were in the same certification program and we're also in the same advanced coaching program with conscious education, and we just got to spend a whole week together for intuition training in San Diego, which was lovely. So Linda came on today. I'm so excited to share some stories about heartbreak and then also the healing journey and how she now helps others overcome their heartbreak, especially the heartbreak of infidelity. So, linda, tell me a little bit about yourself, how you got started on your journey, and then also maybe a little bit about your story, about what happened that made you take this path.

Speaker 2:

Well. So I mean, infidelity is just one of those things that I don't think any of us ever ever dreamed that we're going to have to encounter and face and like for me, I thought I mean, I knew my marriage wasn't perfect, but I never dreamed that my ex-husband would cheat, would have an affair. There is a shock factor that I experienced and I think most people I have found experience. It's a shock to your system, a shock to your body, and it takes a little while to settle down with that and really just come to terms with it. And we all do it in our own way and there's no one right way to do it.

Speaker 1:

So something really interesting just came to my mind. I wanted to ask if it's okay with you. It's interesting because I sometimes think like, as an intuitive, we should always know when people are lying to us. Right Like what do you think created this huge lie? How did? Can I ask how he?

Speaker 2:

So he didn't think he would get caught. He didn't think he would get caught. We went to counseling, we had a lot of discussions and at the end of the day, at the end of a couple of weeks of focusing on counseling and talking, he decided that he just didn't want to be married, just didn't want to be married, and so that was. You know, I had one son who was going into seventh grade and my daughter was going into fifth grade. So I was in shock for a while and I just couldn't believe that he would want to leave our family. We had a beautiful home. We had, you know, an amazing family. You know that he would want to do.

Speaker 2:

But I had to come to terms. That was the thing. I had to come to terms that he did not want to be married. That's hard. Yeah, it was. It's just one of the kind of heartbreak, my whole journey, which I'll talk about. But when we first find out there's something physical we start to. If we don't process this anger, the betrayal, if we don't process all of that, it gets lodged in our system and that's what happened to me. I did not want to feel the pain. I wanted to have a great face for my children, I thought well, you know, I'm not going to give him the satisfaction of me being devastated, and so I just stuffed down a lot of feelings that eventually came up. You know like I had to handle them and deal with them over time.

Speaker 1:

So I know how they came up. Did they come up all at once, or was it kind of a gradual?

Speaker 2:

What happened was I started to realize that, like I would have panic in my chest, I would have heart-beat, lots of panic in my chest, and it would be over something. It was like a fear, and I didn't know how to handle the fear and I didn't realize at the time that I was having, you know, certain thoughts that created certain feelings, that created certain sensations in my body and I automatically went in a flight or a flea mode. Some of us will fight, some of us go. You know, we want to run. I froze most of the time, and so I realized that I had stopped, and not only had I not passed, who are you talking?

Speaker 1:

about what that looks like for some people, because what's interesting to me is that a lot of people who are in freeze mode have no idea that they're in freeze mode, like they're so unfamiliar with the behavior because it's so familiar that they don't. How did you know you were in freeze mode? Like what was the behavior to let you know it.

Speaker 2:

I was working kind of on autopilot. I wasn't really emotional, I wasn't high, I wasn't low, I was just in the right there in the middle and I was just ticking off my tasks for the day. I was working as an interior designer at the time, part time, and then I had the children, taking care of the kids too. But for me I didn't have a lot of highs and lows, but I was trying so many things to happen to not feel. I did books, I read books, I took medication and then that made me not feel so good so I didn't take the medication. Then I did meditation, then I did retreats when I could get help with the children. I did so many things so I wouldn't feel it.

Speaker 2:

Really all of it is so that I just I wanted to be happy, I wanted to be able to put the past behind me. But the more I thought about it to put it behind me, the more I did not wanna feel betrayed and I didn't wanna feel those feelings, the more I felt them. And so that, I think, is the important thing for all of us, and it's not that we have to be fixed, because it's not about fixing For me what happened was I was able to be more of an observer of what was happening to me. I could observe that heartbeat that was racing, the feeling that in my chest like somebody was sitting on me. Initially I'm like I'm not safe. I'm just not safe. But I realized that that was an old patterning that was layered on some childhood patterning.

Speaker 1:

Yes, heartbreak has a way of doing that, doesn't it?

Speaker 2:

It brought up heartbreak from my whole life, and that's what we all do. We wanna make it mean something about us. I don't belong, I'm not good enough, I'm not worthy, I'm not capable All of those things that we and infidelity just bring in any heartbreak. Obviously I'm not good enough. If I was good enough, this would not have happened to me, and they're just stories. That's why coaching is so important, because we get to see the stories that we're running and that the story is what's creating the reality that we're then seeing. It's all energy patterning.

Speaker 2:

So, have a thought that creates a feeling. We then create this experience to then experience that I'm not good enough, as what we thought was true, but we're making it all up. So that's the beauty, Tabitha, that we can coach people and we'll get into creative structure, but nobody's. I love that. Yeah, no one can be more worthy or more.

Speaker 1:

Right, and I think that that's the beauty of intuitive coaching especially is because we have these dysfunctional patterns that are playing out in the background but we can't see them because our ego intentionally blocks them from our sight. And so when you're working with intuitive coaching and I've seen Yubi Coach to Tan and you've seen Yubi Coach to Tan it's interesting how, to everyone else, it's so obvious what the dysfunctional pattern is, but we're like I don't know what you're talking about. And it's intentional, right, because our ego doesn't want us to do something new, because it knows how to survive the current reality. I think that's where intuitive coaching, especially, is very different, because you have someone who can see very clearly beyond the egoic agenda.

Speaker 2:

Absolutely, absolutely. And so the beauty too, like we don't get as a coach, we don't get pulled in. I have total compassion for the story because I've lived in and I've been there and I know. But I also know that at some point we need to put the story down. In the story it is usually is our core beliefs and our core wounds, and we need to fix ourselves.

Speaker 2:

And the more I try to fix myself and you know the whole story of trying to fix ourselves how does that my whole life, the whole life can be? There's always something that our ego will latch onto and not let us be okay. So when I finally hit on the creator structure, it was like, oh my gosh, I can just be me, I can decide what an experience I'd like to have, even if it's a little one, even it's just. And at the beginning, when you're going through this shock, we can just be so subtle and just one thing a day. If you're just beginning to recover from the shock of it, if you do one thing for yourself in the day, you're getting yourself in a creator structure.

Speaker 1:

I love that. So is that like? So, when you think about like back in the beginning, when you were like, shoving all the feelings down, like and you had to still live right, you have kids and a job and we don't really get the opportunity to just completely follow parks. We have to take care of people, as moms especially but like, what got you through some of those really bad days where you were like I don't know if I can do this, like what was something that got you through?

Speaker 2:

Some of the things. I had books. I had books. I had meditation For a while. There I was taking medication, but mostly I would focus on my kids and I was so focused that they were gonna come through this okay and I was so happy that I had that focus. Also, I exercised as much as I could. That was one of my go-tos. I exercised a lot. I tried to do things I loved, but at the same time I had that tape running in my head and friends started falling off.

Speaker 1:

Is that common Cause? You're from the south right, Are you?

Speaker 2:

You know I lived in. I've lived a lot of places, but most of my adult life has been in the south.

Speaker 1:

Okay, Cause I know like in my neighborhood when I left my husband I was kind of ostracized from the community cause I don't know what it was, but I'm like gonna make up stories about it and I noticed that a lot of other moms who got divorced migrated to where I live now and a lot of them felt like when you do go through that divorce, not only are you losing the marriage and the hope and the dream of this beautiful life that you were gonna create with someone, but you do lose a lot of the community you had built, or thought you had built, to support you in life. Is that kind of part of what you were that?

Speaker 2:

was absolutely my experience. Yeah, friends that I had for a long time. We were couples, you know a couple of friends, and I was no longer invited to the parties.

Speaker 1:

you know I was no longer on the invitation list and now you're experiencing betrayal and heartbreak everywhere, right Like we can't even get away from it.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, everywhere. And I lost like a family, his family. You know, I was close to his mother, I was close to his sister and it was like, slowly they sort of dropped off, you know, and so I lost that and it was just a lot of loss. But I think, too, it's the story I was telling myself in my head that just compounded everything. I didn't have the creative structure, I didn't have a place to go with my thoughts, you know, and I thought they were all so real Gosh. I just felt like I really didn't belong many places. I just have made a huge mistake. And I looked back on the marriage where was my responsibility? Not that there was blame that I would blame myself anywhere. You know, I wanted to take a good look at where I could have improved. I don't know.

Speaker 1:

You know we're always looking I'm so glad you brought that up, because I think sometimes, when we have a failed marriage and somebody did something that hurts us really bad, we either want to take all the responsibility or we want to blame them for everything. And the truth is that relationships are too right, like at some point we selected the person because they matched an old identity that we had, and so I think it's so powerful to say, okay, I want to learn what it is without blaming myself, but also, how did this serve me? Or how did I like participate in the creation of the relationship, not necessarily the infidelity, but in the creation of the relationship. So talk more about that journey, because I think that sometimes we're afraid to do that because we might feel responsible for taking the blame and then letting them off the hook and then we take them back, and so I love being able to explore that in a very safe way.

Speaker 2:

Yeah. So there's no blame for myself, no blame or shame or anything. But I did want to take my power back and as long as I'm pointing a finger at somebody and blaming them, I'm the victim. And so after a while I decided I am not the victim. This has happened to me. I can create an amazing life for myself, but as long as I'm blaming, and in that energy field, I can't move on.

Speaker 2:

So what I looked at and what I noticed about myself was that there were certain things and all of our relationships were all different, but we could all look back and take a look to see the relationship dynamic. And some of us are codependent, some of us are in a controlled controlled, you know relationship and my tendency, when things got a little bit I call it dicey, a little bit hard, I would go a little bit aloof, Okay, and so I think that that is a pattern. So there's no blame, there's no shame, but it's helpful If we can look at ourselves. So for me, I looked at myself and I noticed a tendency to go aloof. That had perhaps nothing to do with him cheating, but it had to do with me and my growth. Yes, that's great had to do with. The other question that I asked that was so important to me was where in my life have I betrayed myself?

Speaker 1:

Love that question, and what was the answer?

Speaker 2:

So many times I didn't speak up in the relationship when I could have, when I felt that there was something I needed to say, but I was afraid to say it. You know, and I can even look to times when we were dating way back then, when there were certain things that happened that were showing me his personality that I let go, I didn't address head on, I betrayed myself.

Speaker 1:

So we're just talking about that on my dysfunctional pattern call this morning because we were like unpacking failed relationships or completed ones and it was like, okay, let's go back and were there early warning signs that this person would betray you, or like for us it was rejection, or wouldn't fight for us or you know, things like that. Because I can look back now and the people I thought were my soulmate, where I was like, yes, this person's in, it Turns out they were actually the perfect display of my dysfunctional pattern, that I couldn't see my fear of rejection, my definitions of love around emotional abuse, and it was like it's fascinating to take a look back because on the other side, it was like the people I was most attracted to were the people most likely to cause me the most pain, and so I don't know if you like look back and see any of those like early kind of flickers of your attachment wound coming up when you were dating, or Not to blame at all, like not to blame, but just curiously right.

Speaker 2:

I think the responsibility comes in us choosing to be powerful creators of our life moving forward. Yeah, we totally don't take responsibility necessarily for our husband or partner Cheating, you know, because that's the decision they made. But we, you know, we get to choose our response to that Absolutely. But personally, we'll share that. I had a pattern of connecting like verbal abuse equals love. It sounds weird. Oh no, I understand it. Well, I coded that up and so that was my structure and I connected with the man who had the same structure. He had the same structure where you know, like, like I was told you know, linda, you know you're, you know you're, you're not taking care of yourself, say, comments about my looks and comments about my body not looking great, things like that, you know. So, yeah, that to me was just okay. Well, now I got to, you know, get more of my A game. Here I was a little taken, you know it was, and that was me back then. I didn't know any better.

Speaker 1:

Percent, yeah, so, like you said, we code up what love is. And so if love was created, if our definitions of love are created with, oh, people who put you down or people who use, like you know, control and manipulation is to show you love. Like, if they code that up, that, if you code that up as a child, then you have to make that true. If you're not in a conscious state, so it's it's like no, no judgment at all, and I love that we can have this conversation because I think a lot of people don't know they're creating relationships on coding that was created when they were before the age of eight.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and so it's what's interesting to Tabitha which we can really embrace. It's all structural. You know you're attracted to a certain structure that this man or woman presents because it's familiar. It's familiar until until something happens like a heartbreak, and you can step back and see it like from a bird's eye perspective and realize it wasn't personal, it was structural, like it was your structure and maybe your life lesson too.

Speaker 2:

We're all on a journey and you know we're learning each step of the way and we can embrace ourselves and embrace the learning, and I think one thing that I've gotten out of it all is just to love myself so much more and have compassion, and that's what I want to share with you know, with everybody else is that we are this amazing creative genius and part of the way we're designed this is like my premise. It's a premise is that we're all this beautiful energy field. When we have these thoughts that create these contracted emotions and feelings, it's just really the universe's way of saying you're going a little bit off target here. You're more expansive, light filled and harmonious. That's when we feel really amazing. If we're starting to feel a little contracted, we're just having a thought that's just not in alignment with who we are.

Speaker 1:

I love that description because I think until I became very body aware, I don't think I knew the physical sensations that was telling me I was off, and that contraction feeling is one of them. Now, when I feel contracted, I'm like, ooh, what's going on, something's not right. I don't know what yet, but I know something's not right.

Speaker 2:

Absolutely With our creative structure. If our audience doesn't know, we have something we would love to experience for no other reason than we love to experience it Like it could be. You would love I mean it could be as simple as you would love to create a certain meal. Yeah, it could be something simple you want to experience a bubble bath? It could be you would love to have a new home. Then you take a look at this is what I would love to experience and this is where I am now. What beliefs are in? Why don't I just go and have it?

Speaker 2:

We have a little resistance, sometimes Absolutely. We're using loving, heartfelt relationship and then your single. What stops you? We take a look at the resistance that's stopping us from taking just that one little step towards our end result. We just go into taking a look at what the resistance is. There's a lot of processes we have that we could help you with just to take the resistance. You could take that one step, or that one scary step, or that one little step towards having what it is you would love to have because you can have it.

Speaker 1:

I love the idea of practicing with smaller things, because I work with a lot of people in bodywork clinic, I work with them in my coaching program and it's like I can't have the thing I want. It's like, okay, well, let's practice creating something that you can have. Let's get into the practice of creation until your unconscious mind learns the process, because once you learn the process, you can create anything. You just can't create everything, but you can't create anything. I love the idea of how can I create a bath for myself or a different kind of experience of joy and connection If it's not what the person I want it to be? How can I create it and allow the universe to fill it? I love that idea of practicing creation. I love that.

Speaker 2:

When I was starting practicing, I remember I have a second bedroom upstairs in a townhouse and I had thrown a bunch of stuff in it. I visualized I had the end result of creating a beautiful second bedroom. Everything was in its place, Everything was neat and tidy, the closet was organized and I envisioned it in my mind and sat with it. Then I just, step by step, created it so powering. The next thing I did was a closet as simple as that. It was just to have a closet that I just loved. Then I went on to bigger things, but just some simple things that we're like you said. We're teaching our unconscious that it's safe, that we are this amazing creator. It's one way in the three dimension you want it to be something different. You visualize it how you want it to be and just close your eyes and see how you want it and then make it that and then create it that way.

Speaker 1:

Oh, that's, yeah, that's excellent, such a great tool that we practice every day. Okay, so what did you need to know back then? Maybe that you wish you had had access to, so like if there's anyone on the call and they're in the throes of heartbreak and they're like what's creation? I don't even understand that. What is something that you maybe at that time, before you were the genius that you are today, what is something you wish you had known? Maybe like some knowledge or information or stradded, anything that you wish you had known, that you know now?

Speaker 2:

What I wish I had known would be when my heart was racing and my body felt so contracted from the anger and the fear and the betrayal that I would just set a timer for 90 seconds or three minutes and just sit and observe it, observe it in my body. I wish I knew that.

Speaker 1:

I love that. I love that. So, for someone who's never done that, how do you observe it?

Speaker 2:

You just sit and you don't judge it. You don't say it's good and you don't say it's bad. You just say my heart is racing. It feels like it's gonna pop out of my chest. It feels like fear, but I'm safe here in my home or where you're sitting.

Speaker 2:

But just observe, is it hot, is it cold? Like for me it was always a racing in my heart or a clenching in my stomach and I immediately wanted to make that mean something. Maybe I've gotta go turn on the TV or I've gotta go eat or I've gotta go run. I've gotta get rid of this feeling.

Speaker 2:

But I had known back then that the feeling is just an energy contracted and I could watch it in my system and just imagine it and then be like an investigator with a magnifying glass and just go and look at it and just see if you can get inside your chest and just see the tight particles of energy and in your mind's eye you could have a little magic wand and you can just tap it and just watch. It's just energy, it's all, and just watch it expand. Add some light to it and just watch that energy expand and in three minutes that energy, most likely you'll be sitting there like, wow, it just left, but it's got to leave and we don't need to make it mean anything. It doesn't mean I'm good, I'm bad, I belong, I don't belong. I'm worthy, I'm not worthy. All it means is I had contracted energy and it released.

Speaker 1:

Right, because we wanna understand things we don't understand. And if you don't know how to feel which I think a lot of people don't know how to feel then they have to tell themselves a story about what that feeling is, and then they wanna make it bigger or they pull from an old story. And so I love that. I love that technique that you just you wanna make it mean something about how we're not good enough or that we're bad.

Speaker 2:

I'm bad. If I wasn't bad, I wouldn't be feeling this or I need something to take this away because I'm not safe. It's usually safety and belonging and love. I'm not safe and I'm not lovable. Almost always, yeah, almost always. Those are always kind of a guarantee.

Speaker 1:

Almost always.

Speaker 2:

It's not true, but we feel it as if it is true. I would say just set your timer. Not a game, but it's a game. Set a timer, set your watch, set your watch or your phone and just see what happens. Maybe it's 90 seconds, maybe it's three minutes, but be that just. You know. Like, yeah, looking like you're even looking at an art museum and you're looking at all these different things happening inside your body and just let it play itself out. That's what I wish I had known, because when I started feeling contraction and scared, I ran like I would either run to eat, I would run to go buy something. Oh yeah, I just couldn't, you know, I just couldn't sit with it and I just didn't want to feel it. So I smooshed it and smooshed it, and smooshed it.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I think that's what we do, and I would say, especially people over 40, the smooshing stops. You just don't have anywhere to smoosh it anymore, and so then we think we're having a midlife crisis and really it's just a lifetime of feelings that we refuse to feel are all coming up at the same time, and so I love that. Yeah, we just smoosh it inside and try to find a pocket, and then pretty soon, all the pockets are full.

Speaker 2:

The key, too, is after that, we need to have a place to go, and that's where the creator structure comes in. We need to have a place to go with our thoughts, we need to go, and what we talk about. You know, tabitha and I have studied these core four choices, and one of them is I choose to live a life I love, and that's just one. You can always go to Let that those emotions play out. But don't forget that you've got a place to go. You're gonna live a life you love, and that's really, really important that you don't just leave yourself like, okay, well, the feeling's gone now, what? Now, what is you're gonna train yourself that you are living a life you love and then think of one or two things that are just like awesome in your life.

Speaker 1:

Oh, absolutely. And for me, I put my pain into the container of purpose, and so I was always like, oh, this is gonna serve my purpose one day, oh, this will serve my purpose one day. And so for me, that was the container I put everything in, and I love the balance of living a life you love and purpose, because I don't think that you should have one or the other. There should be both there.

Speaker 2:

So and your true nature and purpose. Like our true nature, some of us don't really even connect with what that is, but it's absolutely when you can connect with your true nature that you are this amazing like expansive, light-filled, harmonious being. I mean, this is our true God-given gifts. We are this beautiful, expansive being and a creative. We're creative, our purpose to create and it's just, but we need to try.

Speaker 1:

Create from love right. Create from joy, create what brings us happiness. Whatever that is, bring it into the world and it's a muscle Cause it does it's, you know, when we're in heartbreak.

Speaker 2:

It's a muscle that we have to build and sometimes it's just I'm grateful that you know I have some food in my fridge. I'm grateful that I, you know, I have a mattress that I like, you know, or whatever it is, you know, I'm grateful that I've got my kids or my family. Just important to shift our focus, because we can either be focusing on everything that's not working but we forget all that is working.

Speaker 1:

And so, oh, I think, especially when you're in the throes of heartbreak, ruminating on everything that's bad, it just spiraled. And I would say, from my own experience too, like in that moment it's so hard to switch to what you want, cause it's like I want the pain to go away and so and so then your brain is like well, I remember the last time we didn't have this pain it's back when I was with this person and they were behaving so I think it creates a lot of rumination around the old relationship. But Processing.

Speaker 1:

it's a journey and it's it's not overnight, you know so Patience, right Patience, kindness and self-compassion I just think that that's the ingredients of life. Okay, so what are some of the most significant synchronicities or signs in your life that let you know you're on the right path?

Speaker 2:

You know, like maybe when I first found out about letting go of trying to fix myself and I got a more education in the creative structure, that was really big and because then I had a place to go with my you know, with my attention, I was able to see the power of my focus. I was so focused on my wounds and how bad I felt and how unfair it was, and I went through that cycle. But then, once I could come a little bit out of that spin, I could then focus on things I loved, and the more I focused on things I loved, the more I felt like I was living a life I loved. Yeah, that's amazing, but the main, the main, the very main thing that I finally reached was I stopped this, the story in my head of me being right and him being wrong.

Speaker 1:

I love that Okay.

Speaker 2:

The story and I let it go. I just let the story go because it wasn't serving me and it didn't matter. It got to the point where right wrong, you know, all it was doing was taking me in a direction that I didn't want to go. I wanted to go and focus on things that I loved and doing things I loved and being with the people I loved and you know sounding ourselves with people that love us and support us. Boat, that's like your best cheerleader and you know, there for you. That's priceless, priceless. I know you've been there for me, tabitha, when I've had moments, when you know when it's for support and and that's what a community does and that's what a group would be.

Speaker 1:

I love that and I love that when we get on intuitive readings, I always trust what you give me Like, because I know you're extremely intuitive and you're tapped in, and I love that exchange of that gift being able to have people that you trust, who you know, who are doing their work, who are going to give you the information not from their ego but from your highest and best good, and I just yeah, I really value that about our community too. It really is very liberating.

Speaker 1:

I don't, I don't know that. I don't know many places where that exists without manipulation or an agenda Right.

Speaker 2:

It's such an environment where we're rooting for each other. You know we want each other to be successful. And you know, grow and learn. And you know, live a life that you love.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, Now we both get to share that experience with our clients right Creating that for them. So it's really nice that we get to turn all of that into our purpose and our passion. A place of love, and I just yeah, I love that, Okay. So last question If you were stuck on a deserted island, what is the one book you would bring along to keep you company?

Speaker 2:

So isn't that a great question? So I have, may I tell you three? No one, I just one. If I had just one, I would bring William White Clouds the Secrets to Natural Success.

Speaker 1:

I just finished that book. It was top five. I've never read it until I met William in San Diego. Top five, why, why, for you?

Speaker 2:

Well, because it really just breaks down existence. It breaks down our thoughts and feelings. It breaks down how our thoughts and feelings are really, just creating assumptions. It's feeding to our beliefs, which then we want to. You know, if I have a belief about myself, I'm defining myself and then I'm living that definition and it's not even true, you know, usually. You know so, yeah, and then he goes into the enneagram and it's just such an amazing, amazing, amazing. I highlighted, I had it on a Kindle and I highlighted and it printed out my highlights and I have them. I have them actually right here and I just, you know, read over it.

Speaker 2:

So much because we do have this unconscious agenda that just wants to keep us safe, which means it wants to keep us how things have always been. But when we choose to live a life we love, you know our unconscious agenda is going to kick up its heels and say, oh, you're that safe to live a life you love, you know? So we have tools and creating structure and different processes so we can just teach that our unconscious that it is safe to have a life we love, but to step out and to step up and to shine. A lot of us are afraid to shine and really be our true, authentic self.

Speaker 1:

Absolutely, absolutely. I love that you recommended that book because I just finished it. I'm like are you in my field? No, I'm just like that's awesome.

Speaker 2:

Amazing book. You know, the Magician's Way is also another one of my favorites.

Speaker 1:

Nice, I will. That's next on my reading list. Actually, I'm reading Dr Romany's new book on healing emotional abuse and it's so far it's very good and I'm enjoying the approach that she's taking to talking about recovering from being in that emotionally abusive relationship. So I will let you know how it turns out, but so far I really like the perspective. So thank you so much, linda. Do you have any closing words that you would like to share with our audience today?

Speaker 2:

I think just that there is life on the other side of betrayal, that we need to be gentle with ourselves, and we need to be two things we need to be gentle and loving, and there comes a time when we may need a little kick, because sometimes we can get stuck in the spin of the whole thing and we need somebody to lovingly help us refocus. And sometimes we have to be a little strict with ourselves when the time is right, because life we do have life. Believe me, I spent 13 years in the spin and you don't need to spend 13 years in a spin. I was 13 years just angry and sad and confused and wishing things were different, and you don't need to. You know, I didn't know the creative structure, I didn't know how to place my focus and what I wanted to experience. That's why a coach is important too. You don't need to spin. I guess what I would say is loving, gentle on yourself, because it's a shock to the system. And there is life after. There's life after. I love it.

Speaker 1:

Oh, thank you so much. I'm so glad that you signed up for our call today and that I get to know you in the world and the real world. So if other people would like to find you, how do they do that?

Speaker 2:

They can go on my website, lindabearcom, or you can email me it's very easy at lindaatlindabearcom.

Speaker 1:

Nice, excellent. Well, we look very much forward to your book coming out soon on overcoming infidelity. Thank you so much, linda. I absolutely adore you and I'm so glad that we're friends, and I'm honored to have you on our show today, and I just can't thank you enough for also walking alongside of me in my journey.

Speaker 2:

Thank you Absolutely, love you, tabitha, absolutely, I really do I really do.

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Tabitha MacDonald

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