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Journey Through Darkness into a Life of Purpose and Passion with Karen Seltz

• Tabitha MacDonald • Episode 30

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Imagine facing your darkest moments—addiction, depression, the weight of motherhood—only to emerge with profound resilience and transformation. That's the journey Karen Seltz, our embodiment coach guest.  In this episode, Karen shares with us  her personal battles and the pivotal moment that reignited her sense of self. Her raw and honest narrative delves into the complexities of self-discovery, the importance of vulnerability, and how she channeled her experiences into a life of passion and purpose. Karen's story isn't just her own; it's a beacon for anyone on the precipice of change, searching for a lifeline amid life's tumultuous seas.

Connect with Karen at https://karenseltz.com/

Are you ready to feel supported on your healing journey?  The Soma Flow Library of Healing is now available.  With a powerful meditations, hypnosis sessions and Superconscious Recodes to restructure your unconscious patterns, this is a must have tool to your journey back to you.  

About Tabitha
Tabitha MacDonald is an Intuitive Coach and Healer committed to helping people overcome their pain as fast as possible so that they can have the love, success, freedom and fulfillment they truly desire.

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Speaker 1:

Hello and welcome to today's show. My name is Tabatha and I am your host on the Mindful Love Podcast. I am very excited to welcome a very special guest. Her name is Karen Seltz. She is an entrepreneur and sacred purpose embodiment coach. She combines her wisdom and experience overcoming addiction and depression with her love of spirituality, neuroscience and meditation. She has a passion about creating a safe, fun environment where people can let their guard down, develop unshakable courage and learn to trust themselves and the divine so that they can live the life they are meant to A life of passion, purpose, impact and abundance. Welcome, karen. I am so happy to have you on the Mindful Love Podcast tonight.

Speaker 2:

Thank you so much, Tabatha. This is going to be amazing. It's been so fun getting to know you just before we hit record.

Speaker 1:

I know I just love your energy. I love your purpose. It's just so in alignment with mine. I love that I get to talk to these amazing women on my podcast who just inspire me. I know that you'll inspire all of our listeners as well, because I think one of the things I really liked about you was your vulnerability with your story and who you are, and also your confidence in knowing who you are. I think it was funny.

Speaker 1:

I was talking to a teenager today. I was working on this teenager in my office, a young man, and he was 17. I was talking to him about my son. I said, oh yeah, no, my son is very comfortable with who he is. He goes. That's amazing, because not a lot of teenagers are. It just came to me when we were just talking about how you really come off. You really do know who you are and what you love to do and what you want to bring to the world. Can you tell me a little bit more about the journey, of how you got there? Because I think that's a challenge for a lot of people is knowing who they are and then aligning themselves with it.

Speaker 2:

Well, that's a deep question.

Speaker 1:

I like to go deeper, go home, right. I'm like let's just get it off from the back.

Speaker 2:

Yes, I hear you. I'm going to just start with since you brought up teenagers. As a teenager, I was the class clown. I was never, ever serious. I also had a lot of abuse, like physical abuse. Growing up, I learned to read people's faces and to bob and weave and change my story if it looked like I wasn't going to be safe. There was all this changing who I was constantly happening and trying to please people, make people laugh, I don't know. By the time I was in my 20s I didn't know who I was. I never really knew who I was. I wasn't really until after my second child was born. I went into a deep, deep depression because she had a lot of medical issues. I was drowning. I kept thinking all those people that say God only gives you as much as you can handle are full of crap, because I cannot handle this.

Speaker 1:

Can we stay there for a minute? I don't think we talk about that enough, especially the impact when you have a new baby. Did you have a toddler as well?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, my kids are 19 months apart.

Speaker 1:

Oh my gosh, Now you're also dealing with major medical stuff. If you had a lot of physical abuse, maybe we didn't have the best modeling of parenting growing up I was assuming Baby. I was like, okay, there wasn't great modeling of how did you get through it?

Speaker 2:

My husband who's now my ex started drinking more and more to deal with all this stress. The breaking point is very interesting to me. I had a nanny. I only worked two days a week outside the home and I had a nanny that I just adored and I trusted her. I had no family here. I moved away from my home state. My ex-husband was not able to be present, he just wasn't. He didn't have the emotional capacity to really be supportive. I didn't have it. I was still full of crap. We were both clinically depressed. This nanny, with no notice, quit one day and I lost it. I lost it. I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't leave the house 11 days I was just almost in a ball and trying to figure out okay, how do I parent while I'm sobbing? I couldn't stop crying. I realized later it triggered all these abandonment issues that I had. She was the one person I could count on and she was gone. I just felt so alone and in over my head.

Speaker 1:

That's so hard. As a new parent, I went through something similar with my kids, it triggering all of my childhood trauma of like I don't know how to do this. I feel like our fear of oh my gosh, what if I'm like my parents? It gets triggered in the background but we don't know. It is Luckily we're nothing. I'm not anything like mine, but I'm assuming you worked through it. How did you pull yourself? It was 11 days. How did you pull yourself?

Speaker 2:

Well, it's interesting because my daughter the baby was scheduled for a surgery that was major. I mean, they were taking half of her skull out of her head and reshaping it and putting it back in. And I was freaking out what I mean it was major, and I was so stressed out, my shoulders were in my ears, and here's where we get to the interesting part. So I went for a massage and I just called, like last minute, my regular place, and I got a man and at that time I was so disgusted by my ex-husband that I wasn't having sex with him. I wasn't having sex with myself, I just like shut it off and all of a sudden I'm on the table naked and there's a man touching me and everything came back online and I'm like whoa hello.

Speaker 1:

And I actually love that you brought that up because I when I train I'm like I'm not trained. My male therapist at my massage center I'm always like, just because like someone has that experience doesn't mean it has to do with you. It means they're connecting with your healing energy and you just have to have a healthy pow tree. But because it happens, I mean it does happen because you're getting that nurturing energy from a male and I think it scares women sometimes because they're like whoa, what just happened? I love that you brought that up because I think it's really important.

Speaker 2:

This man was not properly trained in that, or? Else he was to ignore it, so I started having a sexual relationship with him. Oh, yes.

Speaker 1:

He should go to one of my ethics classes. Yeah, right.

Speaker 2:

Well, what's interesting was, at the time I was so low and previous to this I was clinically depressed and suicidal. So now I have these two little tiny babies, an alcoholic husband and I'm like if I don't act out sexually and get this need met and have some escape, I'm going to kill myself. So my brain like wired it, like acting out sexually with survival. And when this guy wasn't available enough, I just started adding people. So I've just like have like all these, this like stable of lovers like okay, he's not available, next, next you know and I'm just like make sure that I got those needs met.

Speaker 1:

Needs in quotes I mean, I think that as women, we need that strong nurturing energy, and sexual energy is very powerful and it's also very healing. And I think, especially as mothers, when we have an unsafe husband, we want, we still need, I mean nurturing and in care.

Speaker 2:

And then there's the you know the childhood stuff of like the message from my dad like women are only good for one thing. Okay, I got that in my subconscious mind, it's in there. And then from my brother's well, if you're a woman, you better be good at it, because if you're not, I'm going to tell all my friends that you suck. And I'm like oh my gosh, I had like all this at sex.

Speaker 1:

What you better. Be good at sex, yes, your brothers taught you. They didn't teach me how to be good, no. No, I meant like the language. Yes.

Speaker 2:

Wow. They would tell me, oh, she was so terrible. And like, do you tell your friends this? Yeah, or like all the things. So I had all these messages about sex and then I wanted so badly to be loved growing up. The easiest way for me to get it was from men and it wasn't real. But I didn't know that at the time.

Speaker 1:

It felt like we have this perception, especially in the like in the 70s and 80s, that that was what our value was right, like was how to like sexual. We were over sexualized. I think I don't know how old you are, but like, definitely in the 70s and 80s we were. I think we were just over sexualized as that being our contribution to relationship. Was that Well, definitely. So I mean, I definitely think it was cultural and if you, if you look back at the 80s I mean I was born in 75. So if you look back in the 80s, it was all that over sexualization of women and that being what you contributed, you better be darn good at it, because that's how you get ahead Right.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah for sure. So I mean I kept doing that for a while and then I got an STD. So I kind of thought I should tell my husband at the time I mean, yeah, so I told him and then I started going to like sex addicts, anonymous meetings, but I was still acting out because I just discovered this new power and I didn't want to stop yet. So I didn't stop for years, Even after I got divorced, I would keep going back to it and I don't know, it wasn't really. I mean, I was sober for about three years. Sober in my addiction meant I wasn't acting out in any of my we call them bottom line behaviors, so I wasn't doing anything with anybody. I wasn't in a monogamous relationship with.

Speaker 1:

Okay, that's interesting. Okay, so it's kind of like I'm not to like the parallel I would think would be like an addiction to food, like you still have to eat right, like so, and so how do you define where that is the addiction versus like how to have it in a healthy level?

Speaker 2:

It was not easy because I had not yet resolved my trauma, my childhood trauma. So I would say like I acted out monogamously for three years really, because every time I saw my boyfriend you know, there were two of them in a course of three years I'm like you better be putting out Like it was, like I had an expectation, like dude, so I mean that wasn't healthy per se, like, but that's what I did. But then later I became like I don't know, it just was trial and error, like okay, that felt a little off, like energetically, you know, it felt not healthy. So it's just like was trial and error. So I was sober for like three years and then I did this trauma release program and I went back to a 12 step meeting and I'm like, hi, I'm Karen. I'm like, no, I'm not, like it was completely gone for my identity and then never went back, and that was five, six years ago now.

Speaker 1:

That's amazing.

Speaker 1:

That is amazing. I think that trauma work does release you from the identity. I don't know if you follow Gabor Matei but, like when I started following him around addiction he said it's. You can't have it be your identity or you're going to be stuck in shame in that addiction forever and it's going to be your identity. And that.

Speaker 1:

My ex-husband's an alcoholic and I saw I see him struggle with that when I bought him the program. I bought him the program, he was so angry at me for even suggesting that he get rid of the shame of his addiction and he just was like that's what keeps me sober and I'm like no, it doesn't, cause you have a relapse every year. So it was. It was interesting. When you cause, you do you shift the identity and then the addiction is not really there, cause the identity is attached to the trauma event that created the behavior, not the actual behavior. It's not, we're not the behavior of it, right, it's an identity that was created to handle probably a pretty significant or insignificant trauma, like the big tear or a little T, however you call it. Um, but yeah, that's really yeah it's so true.

Speaker 2:

I love that you mentioned that too and I think I mean I'm not knocking any 12 step programs because it really helped me. But what I see is like people then become that becomes their God or their new addiction is, and they think like if I don't come here, I'm going to, I'm going to relapse. And for many of them that is absolutely, 100% true because they haven't resolved the trauma that created that identity, like you were saying. And I love like trauma release work because it it takes the shame out of the addictive behavior, because if you could have done anything differently, you would have.

Speaker 2:

And there was a time when whatever addictive substance or behavior that you that's your drug of choice, minus sex, of course it worked, it made you feel better for a while. So you kept going back to it and kept going back to it. You create these habit loops and even when it doesn't work anymore, you still go back to it. And then you think what is wrong with me? This isn't even working. Well, there's nothing wrong with you, it's just a glitch in your brain and it's so easy to clear it. It's so easy.

Speaker 1:

It's so much easier than we know. It's just that the old system of clearing trauma is like we were talking before, like 20 years in therapy and hashing out the behaviors instead of looking at the identity. I'm not saying all therapies like that, but a lot of the traditional therapies are. It's like let's medicate it or let's hash it out for the rest of your life, instead of really just looking at what you need to integrate the personality that was created to handle that original event and during the trauma release work. What kind of trauma release work did you that helped you the most?

Speaker 2:

I do rapid release therapy. Okay, it's really quick and it's almost completely painless. So it's like education process, like teaching people how trauma is stored in the brain and really letting people off the hook because, based on your DNA and how you were raised, your environment, anything that happened in the past, any choice that you made, you could not have made a different choice or you would have period. So there's no sense in like beating yourself up for any of it. There's not.

Speaker 1:

I love that level of compassion for people and I think we need so much more of it, because we women especially and I know a lot of my male clients do, too hold this shame around behaviors that they are not considered socially acceptable or even for wanting something more than what they have. Like they might have the perfect house and perfect job and the dream career and all of that, and they're not happy and they're like. I went after what I thought I was supposed to have and I'm not happy inside and then we realized that maybe it's because they have this sort of trauma that they don't know and they're operating on old programming or an unconscious agenda that was created when they were a child to keep them alive. And so, yeah, I'd love to hear more about your work with that or like. Who do you love working with? Like? Do you have kind of a Like? Who do you really love working with? Where you're like oh, that's my perfect day.

Speaker 2:

Oh yes. Well, it's interesting. I work with high-level female executives that have what I would call like they won't call it this, but a self-imposed glass ceiling, because if you look at men, they will go for jobs they're not qualified for. Women will be like oh, I don't have that one thing. I have all these other 12 or 20 qualifications but I'm missing that one, so I won't go for that job. But it's these little like just clearing these subconscious. I call them like hidden subconscious blocks, because if you knew you had them, they wouldn't be there, right, they wouldn't be in your way they're designed for you not to know.

Speaker 1:

You have them Exactly.

Speaker 2:

Exactly, and you know I also do a lot of education on the spiritual ego because it's so fascinating to me. I had this before many the other day.

Speaker 1:

What, what is that? I've never heard that term. Spiritual ego. What is that?

Speaker 2:

Well, I call it that. It's the ego, but not in psychology, but in spirituality.

Speaker 2:

So the ego is the part of you that wants you to feel separate. So if you ever find yourself comparing yourself like, oh, I'm not as pretty as that woman, but, man, I'm way smarter. So it could be either way. It could be up or down, ok, all right. So comparison is one. But I had this epiphany the other day which is funny. It was an aha. It was about aha moments, like how many of us like, oh my gosh, I love aha's, like they're so much fun. I realized that they are like fuel for the ego, because once you know better and you don't do better, the ego is like oh my gosh, you know better, yet you're still doing the same thing you know. And then it makes all this meaning.

Speaker 1:

Right, yeah, I totally agree. Yeah, does that make sense?

Speaker 2:

So it's like be careful with those ah-has, because they're really fun, but then you know better. But then and then what do you do with it If you don't do better? And it's nearly impossible to do better by just knowing better, because 95% of every single thing you think, feel, believe and do is in the subconscious mind, below your level of awareness, which means it's also below your level of control.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, I think that's interesting when you do have that ah-ha and then you go recreate the same problem, because I just went through that when I like moved my narcissistic ex in as a roommate and I was like it's fine, it'll be great, and then, as I'm like getting them out of the house again, I was like you knew better. That was interesting, you walked into that knowing better and then you still did it anyways, because it's like there's one. I think there's like one thing where you have the conscious, like almost not the conscious, you have the conscious awareness. And then when you have the unconscious awareness, but when you do it and you consciously are aware, I know it's kind of a different experience. Can you talk about that like a little bit, like why, if we're consciously aware, would we repeat the same pattern as opposed to like when we're unaware? Because a lot of our behaviors are just unaware of our unconscious patterns.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, that's the whole thing, that's how it gets you, because, no matter what you're aware of, like you could tell anybody who smokes, did you know smoking is bad for you? They're like duh, right, like, of course they know, but their subconscious mind is linking it. Like you know, my subconscious mind linked having sex with strangers to my survival. Like that makes no sense to my conscious mind, right, right, you got to realize that 95%, that's a pretty big percentage. Who's going to win? Like 95% or five?

Speaker 1:

I love that. I love that you said that, because I've said so many things to my coach where he's like I'm going to repeat this back to you and ask you if this makes logical sense. When you started losing weight, your eyesight started decreasing. Does that make logical sense? And I was like, no, that's the programming that's running in your head. And I was like, oh my gosh, no, I had no idea. So is that what you mean? Kind of like that, yeah.

Speaker 2:

And until you work on the subconscious mind like you get to reprogram it right, you don't absolutely have to know what's in there. I mean, it helps if you're doing it on your own. You can say okay, what do I want to be aware of, what behaviors do I not want to repeat today and what do I want to notice? Because whatever we focus on expands. So if we're thinking, oh gosh, the world is unsafe, what do you think we're going to experience? An unsafe world? We're going to see it everywhere, whereas, like me, I like to be surprised and delighted. So I'm like the world is fun and exciting and I never know what's going to happen because everybody's kind and everything always works out for me. And it makes some people so mad, Like I don't know why. They're like did you prepare for this? I'm like, no, but everything always works out for me.

Speaker 1:

And they're like oh my gosh, that makes me feel so good, I am so similar. And then I'm always like is something wrong with me? Because I didn't like stress out and prepare Like it's just like it's programming right Like.

Speaker 2:

but I've chosen over the years to. I love having fun, I love being excited and surprised and delighted, so I have never done the enneagram.

Speaker 1:

I've got to ask are you a seven?

Speaker 2:

Okay, it's like that wasn't fun for me, so I didn't retain it.

Speaker 1:

Okay, I'm going to guess you're a seven. That is like literally the tagline of a seven and I'm a seven, so I can appreciate it.

Speaker 2:

I don't know. I don't remember. I remember a lot of things. I'm super nerdy, Like. I love quantum physics and all kinds of weird stuff.

Speaker 1:

I love it.

Speaker 2:

I find that fun With that I find it fun.

Speaker 1:

But, yeah, that's amazing. I love that. Your passion for learning is impressive. Okay, I want to circle back to the kids for a minute, because I work with a lot of women who have postpartum depression and I'm not sure if yours was postpartum. And how did you get through balancing all of that with, like, the husband that was drinking, the sex addiction, and then two small kids at home? How did you manage all of that? Because that's a lot on your that's a lot to manage.

Speaker 2:

I think the only way honestly I managed it was by having an outlet. Now, the one I chose wasn't super healthy in retrospect but it worked. It got me through, I survived it. And then, you know, I wish I could say like, oh, once my ex moved out, I stopped acting out. But that's not the case. I did, you know, I did some stuff.

Speaker 2:

I'm not proud of putting myself at risk Even. You know, I had strangers over my house that could have farmed my children and I think about it at the time. I always think, because I had so much abuse growing up on, like kind of a badass, like I have a ridiculous belief that I had a bad ass. I have a ridiculous belief that I could take anyone and I'm really little, I'm like five, three, but I, you know, I just have this belief like that I can really physically take anybody, yeah so, but luckily nothing happened and eventually I got healthy. One good thing about being a single parent is I was able to be super transparent and I found this program when I was my kids were very young, called real love, and it teaches people how to actually become unconditional and loving. And who wrote that?

Speaker 1:

That's so familiar to me. It's Greg Bear I have that book?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, oh, I was in Phoenix where I lived. There were actually groups, support groups, so we used to go and practice. We would practice unconditionally loving someone else, listening, holding space, and then the other part was when you had the floor, you practiced telling the truth about yourself, which was an entirely new concept for me. I'm like, what's this truth stuff? What is this? Yeah, and I went.

Speaker 2:

I started that right when I started 12 step and I told like some fluffy surface BS story and the host is like, okay, what are you afraid to tell us? And I'm like, oh crap, and it was a room full of women. I'm like, okay, I looked down at the floor and I thought, for sure they were going to physically attack me. So I was like planning my escape because I grew up in that, you know, chaos, yeah, and I'm like I just looked down at the floor and just waited and I'm like I sleep with married men and I'm like waiting for people to like, like I just even waiting for the energetic, like you know glare, nothing, nothing. Finally, I got the courage to look up and look around and nobody was looking at me like you bitch, or you know I hate you, none of them.

Speaker 2:

They were all in me with compassion. And then what followed blew my mind. These women were like gosh I'm so glad you said that, because I had an affair and I never told a soul and it's been eating me alive and then they just started like telling their secrets and I'm like, oh my gosh, never in a million years expected that.

Speaker 1:

I just that to me, is just a beautiful story, because I think that we harbor our sins for lack of a better word, but the things that we think are sins in like this prison of shame, and then it's like, once we speak them into the light, then they're healed through this kind of collective unconditional love. And love is without judgment. Right, and that's, I think, what true unconditional love is is sitting without judgment of another person, and when someone has the gift to hold space for someone to be honest and vulnerable with them without judgment, then it allows our own kind of shame to transform into love as well. What a beautiful experience for you to have.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and it was actually through that program. I had a real love coach who connected me with like volunteers that would take phone calls so you just call and talk about your behaviors. They hold space for you and ask a few different questions. But I had like two women that I called regularly and it was the first time in my life that I ever felt unconditionally loved, like they didn't want anything from me, they didn't need me to be any different. Like one I was still acting out.

Speaker 2:

She's like I don't care if you sleep with 100 guys today, I will still love you exactly the same and I'll never forget. She said these words to me, which she had to say to me like I don't know how many hundreds of times, but finally I got it. She's like there's not a single thing you can do to make yourself any more worthy and there's not a single thing you can do to make yourself any less worthy. You are just worthy, no matter what. I'm like what. Like that didn't make any sense. Like I grew up having to earn it. I always was earning love. Like if I get good grades, maybe my parents will love me. If I clean my room, maybe they'll love me If I'm not loud, you know what I mean, like I was always earning it.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, well, yeah. Then you create an environment, unconsciously, where you're always having to earn love, and so you have to almost create a situation where you throw it away so you can earn it again, so that you can keep getting that love. And I mean that would make sense. For me with a love addiction or a sex addiction would be like, oh gosh, I have it. I have to throw it away now so I can earn it, because earning love is my definition of love.

Speaker 1:

So that would make sense for the behavior was attached to the definition of love, which I think most of our behaviors that we don't love are attached to our definitions of love that were from early childhood and it was how we got love as a child. Not necessarily low, I was a sex addict when I was a kid, but like it was that, oh, I have to like chase love, and chasing it is my definition of love, so therefore I always have to chase it In order for it to be true, the definition to be true. Isn't that interesting? Yeah, it's so fascinating to me, it is so fast.

Speaker 1:

It's like, and when I'm working with people in pain, especially physical pain, I'm always looking for their definitions of love, because I'm thinking in my head, like, is it serving them? And their definition of love somehow Like, if I have this pain, then I'll be the one who gets to be helped and my husband needs to help me in order to feel loving, and so this is my way of showing him love. And it's just interesting, because so many illnesses and chronic, chronic pain, like stuff that's been around a long time, has to do with definitions of love and belonging. Wow, that's fascinating. Yeah, it's really. That's how I got into this work, because I was always like, why am I, like I work in pain and love, like how is that? How is that my mission in life? And then I was like, oh, of course, because so much of our pain is based on our definitions of love and belonging. Wow, that makes so much sense. Love it, it's really. Yeah, it really is interesting. I could talk about it for, like, where?

Speaker 2:

I can nerd out.

Speaker 1:

That's what I nerd out on, but so how did we get into empowerment, coaching and embodied embodiment?

Speaker 2:

Tell me more about that if you don't mind, yeah so I've been a coach for I don't know eight or 10 years and I've done all different kinds of coaching. And it's interesting, when I was in coaching school I was still acting out and I'm like I can't coach anybody. I'm definitely not a hypocrite, it's just hilarious. As an addict, of course I was a hypocrite, but I wouldn't coach anybody until I got sober. And then it's really funny, like when I first started coaching.

Speaker 2:

I'm super intuitive and I hear, I'm really auditory, so I hear the voice of the divine and I would hear this guidance and I'd be like arguing in my head like I can't say that they're gonna fire me. That's so mean and like I had no idea. But I was judging everything that was coming in and I was filtering it and watering it down and people kept getting watered down results. I'm like, okay, well, this isn't working. All right, I'll just say the thing. So I said the thing I don't even remember what it was, but I'll never forget the woman's face and she went like almost like she was shot, but in slow motion, like she went flying backward, and I'm like, oh crap, I don't even know what my face looked like. I came in a match. I'm sorry, like probably just making this scared face, like holy crap, I can't believe I just did that.

Speaker 2:

But then what followed was this crap. It was like a everything happened in slow motion. You know what I'm talking about. Like everything slowed down, like she flew backward in slow motion and then this crack up her center. Then she started to cry. But it was cry. It was like tears of relief, like finally, finally somebody sees me and I don't have to hold up all these masks and all this armor anymore. And I'm like, oh okay, I love that so much. And just imagine, like holding all that up and somebody finally sees through your bullshit and you're like, thank God, I've been carrying this forever.

Speaker 1:

I love that Cause. When I studied intuition and coaching, my coach said don't hold back. You have to tell them the information that's coming through, because if you don't, you're telling them that they're not strong enough to hear the truth. And it's like we can't tell people that they're not strong enough to hear the truth because we're not really holding them in that divine space. We're saying they're too weak and that's not fair. And so I love that, because I get very I'm very clear audience and I get very sharp like nope, say this. And I'm like, oh my gosh, I can't say that to this person. And then they're like, yes, you can't. And when I'm giving you anything else, until that comes out of your mouth, and I'm like, okay, like that's hilarious.

Speaker 2:

And it happens pretty quickly, right? It's like this quick argument and then you're like fine, I'll do it.

Speaker 1:

What's fun about this, though, now?

Speaker 2:

I was talking to you earlier, like I do a live TV show and I don't prepare. I just trust that whatever information is meant to serve someone and that's what I ask I say get me out of the way and speak through me. I say that before every coaching client, every single one. Get me out of the way and speak through me, then I'm completely unattached. I don't care now if someone likes me or if they call me names, if they cry, if they fire me which has never happened, I mean it just hasn't but I'm completely unattached. Do they think that was brilliant? Because it's not me, like it doesn't matter Totally. It's such freedom and that's what I tell my clients that are coaches is you don't need to know a thing. In the second, I have an opinion. I know that the ego is crept in again and I will say just a minute, one moment. I need to reground myself because I have an opinion and there's no business. I have no business having an opinion in a coaching session.

Speaker 1:

I love that. That's so true, and I think that's the difference between working with someone who's an intuition and then someone who has an agenda Like I need you to transform and make this change so I can feel successful as opposed to a coach who's really channeling in their intuition Because we remove our own ego from the situation and I always explain to people like my higher self is talking to your higher self and I'm just letting it flow out of my mouth. That's what intuitive coaching is.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I'm just a channel and when I'm doing trauma release work it's different. I mean, they're still an intuitive element, but it is my responsibility to cause transformation. It is not the clients, not at all. It is my responsibility and I don't know that many therapists that would ever say that is my responsibility to cause what do you want to get done today? It's my responsibility to cause that for you.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's interesting. Yeah, the difference. So we're almost out of time here, but I really enjoyed this conversation. I was like looking at my clock going oh, I have to end this soon, but I really hope to have you on again so we can talk more.

Speaker 1:

I love your energy and enthusiasm and your honesty. I think in the world today we don't have enough transparency, and I think that people are craving it at a level that's just really high right now, because they're very overburdened with inauthenticity. And I think that I'm not going to blame social media, but I know that a lot of the time people are scrolling on social media and they're not getting authenticity. They're getting someone's carefully curated life. It's not all true. Even the stuff when they're messy and stuff. It's not always that true. And so I love your vulnerability and your ability to just talk about your experiences so openly, and I think that it probably will help a lot of not probably it will help a lot of women with their own stories and working through their own experiences. So thank you so much for that. It's so refreshing to me other people who are so comfortable with their own story that they can share it so freely.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah, I think you've heard. The truth will set you free, and I believe that we can only feel loved to the degree we're willing to tell the truth about ourselves. So if we have close relationships and we're holding things back, we don't feel completely loved because we're on the hook, like well, they love me, but would they love me if they knew this about me? So not allowing people it's like you were saying let them have the information so they can choose. Oh, totally Exactly like this, like what you're saying. So we're holding people small by not telling them all of it. We're not allowing them the opportunity to fully love every single part of us, unless we tell them. Right. This is what I'm afraid to tell you. Yeah, I think it's unlovable about me.

Speaker 1:

I was at Sordi Robbins, and we had to do that exercise where you stick your finger in your nose and you're screaming your biggest vulnerability out of stranger while you have your fingers in your nose. It was a very life-changing experience, but I remember the first time I was like I am unlovable. I'm like snot flying everywhere and this young guy is screaming at me like I'm unlovable. I was just so raw and it's just something that you just said just reminded me of that. And it is that sitting with another human being and telling them your deepest fear, and in that moment, and even though I never saw him again, we had this deep love for each other because we saw each other in our truth, without judgment. And that is the most beautiful gift you can give another human being is just seeing them in their truth, without judgment, but then also holding healthy boundaries, right, because you don't want someone hurting you. So that's beautiful.

Speaker 2:

It's beautiful. Well, thank you so much. This has been amazing. You're so lovely, I'm so happy to meet you.

Speaker 1:

Thank you, you're so lovely. I can't wait to meet you in person in a couple of weeks. So I always ask my guest if you could take one book on a deserted island with you, what would it be? Oh my gosh, just one. Just one. No cheating. Just one, all right.

Speaker 2:

So right now I'm reading this book that I am absolutely loving. So my book right now is called A Happy Pocket Full of Money, and it contains all the things like quantum physics, all the things I entered out about manifestation, the laws of the universe, like how things work and how to create exactly what you want the way you want it this love, money, abundance, freedom, adventure, whatever it is that you want. So that book right now is it?

Speaker 1:

for me. Cool, I'm going to look it up because I'm putting all of these on my reading list of books I want to read. So thank you so much, and I'm going to put all of your links in the show notes. And is there a way, in case someone's not looking at the show notes, that people can find you?

Speaker 2:

Absolutely. I'm so findable. If you look up Karen Seltz, you will find pages. My email is Karen at KarenSeltzcom. Instagram at Karen Seltz. I'm really easy to find Nice. I don't hide anymore.

Speaker 1:

Thank you so much. I'm so grateful for your time and just your beautiful story and your vulnerability. I just really am very grateful for having you on tonight.

Speaker 2:

Thank you, Chavitha. Okay, Thank you everybody for watching or listening to. Yes, Thank you All right.

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Tabitha MacDonald

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